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Mother_Kristen_Smidget
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Name: Kristen
Birthday: 10/11/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: I have no interests because I have no free time.
Expertise: procrastination....cuz that's the only thing I ever do.. haha
Being a friend... to even those who have hurt me in the past
Making People Laugh ((Even if it is at my own expense))
Occupation: Student, Cashier/Head of Shoes
Industry: Retail
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  KShorty2R
Yahoo:  shortone03
MSN: shortone_03@hotmail.com
Member Since:
6/26/2003
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| 1.) My favorite color is blue.
2.) I have a really bad cold.
3.) Blue is my favorite color.
4.) I should be getting ready for class.
5.) I'd rather just go sleep next to Scott though.
6.) I have to take an exam tonight which i haven't studied for.
7.) oohh! my family just moved into a new house!
8.) Don't mess with my man.
9.) I loooove taking pictures.
10.) I just cracked my neck, and it felt wonderful. :)
I tag....Anthony, Jorie and Chelsi :)
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| Yesterday was graduation at Bellevue. I don't think anything could have prepared me for that day. Went to church with the family, was Brian's escort and I sat with the class. We then went to the school since it was inside. Now, for those of you who don't know, I hate to see this class leave. These are the kids who my brother has grown up with, and who I have watched grow up right before my eyes. These are the girls who I coached in volleyball for 3 years. These are the wrestlers who I've cheered for for 4 years. Not to mention the friendships I have made and kept with these students. As they started to read the names off, I could feel my heart beating faster with each name because I knew soon enough, they would call my brothers name. Never did I expect the response it got. As Mr. Scrucci read off "Brian Joseph Roth", an explosion of applause was soon followed by a standing ovation led by the students. Everyone in the gymnasium: sudents, family, friends, teachers, Melissa Voetsch (who for those of you who don't know is the newscaster from Channel 11 my brother has had a crush on almost his entire life and who has become good friends with her over the years who was so wonderful to come to this celebration) etc. rose to their feet and clapped for my brother. Needless to say, I was crying my eyes out, along with my entire family and some other members of the audience and students I'm sure. And of course, Brian just sat there and smiled and soaked in all the love being poured out to him. I think that was a true sign of how he has touched SO many lives in just his 19 years. I never expected that reaction, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. 
 
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| I think this might be the hardest thing I've dealt with... because I really haven't dealt with it yet. It's not real to me. In so many ways, Scott was the best thing to ever happen to me... but in other ways, he quite possibly could have been the worst. He's the Jeckyll and the Hyde. While he saved me from myself and others, and treated me like a queen... there were also the times that he made me feel I was only and inch tall. Sometimes he was what I liked to call the invisible boyfriend. He never wanted to go anywhere with me that he'd be seen and I'm sure people began to wonder if he was even real or not because they never saw me with him. But I was also the secret girlfriend. No one could know that we were together. I couldn't say anything about him on my myspace or facebook because his friends or family would see that we were together. I couldn't be friends with anyone he knew because they couldn't know. He couldn't let all the bitches chasing after him know that he was with someone- and it wasn't them- so they needed to move on. Instead he would make them think that he loved them, that he was going to be with them, and he even went as far as kissing some of them and maybe more, I guess I'll never know since he was the Prince Of Lies. And while after you read that last paragraph and wonder why I put up with that, and why I let it happen .. you must also understand that great side of him. The side that protects me, the side that loves me, the side that used to give me whatever I wanted, the side that took me in despite a secret that he knew, and who put himself into harms way just to prove that he loved me and he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. That is something that I can never forget, and that's the reason I know I can't be with anyone else. For those of you who think that I'm nuts for saying I can't be with anyone else, you just don't understand. Believe me, it's more than just skin deep. They say you can't have a relationship without trust. And it's very true that he lost my trust, and he did nothing to gain it back because he just continued to lie. Yes I snooped. I'll admit it. But ya know what? When I knew he was lying to me about being with Shanna, what was I supposed to do? I'm too strong willed to let it happen to me without a fight. And if I happened to find other information out, then so be it. People wondered why I snooped... if you knew your boyfriend or girlfriend was full of lies, you would too, believe me. If you knew something was going on behind your back, I'm sure you'd want to find out about it any way you could. They say "once a cheater, always a cheater."Well, if you know they cheated once, you're probably going to fear them cheating again. Girls don't just chase after a guy 12 months after they break up because they're despersate losers. They chase after them still because he makes her think that he loves her and that one day they'll be together again. He made it harder and harder for me to love him, but I still found a way. And now, I just don't know anymore. I won't lie, I've been tempted to make him leave a lot lately. You do that when you're getting used and abused. But I also know that I'm all he has left. And I can't bear to see someone that I do care about out on their own with nothing. I'm not going to let him die. He knows there's someone out there better for me.. and he knows exactly who it is. And while I'd like to believe him, I can't because I know that it would never work the way Scott and I used to. And because of the circumstances, I think I'd probably be too scared to try and find out. I know you're all going to say "you're better with out him", and maybe I am. But I don't know if I really want to find that out cuz it was nice to have someone, it was nice to know that I was never going to have to worry about being out on my own again, I was always going to have him there by my side holding my hand as we walked through life. Now, who knows. I guess I'll have to figure that out..... | | |
| For those of you who don't know- I should have graduated last week. But
I didn't, because I didn't go to school this semester. I was supposed
to be finishing off my degree with student teaching this spring but I
chose not to. In the end, I think it just might have been the best
decision ever.
My Methods went completely wrong in every
aspect. I would come home every day from the High School in tears
because I was just so frustrated. I had a group of 7 kids. 2 were the
greatest kids I could have ever had. Casey and Ryan did anything I
asked them to, and did it well. One the other had, I had Jake and Sean
who were hyperactive, can't-sit-still-for-one-second-must
shoot-this-ball-into-the-basket-while-you're-talking kids who just
would not listen to anything. Then there was Katy, CeCe and Ethan.
They were the polar opposite in the fact that they didn't want to do
anything but sit around and sit out of action. I did SOOO much to try
and control them. I made up my own "classroom rules" that stressed
looking at me when I was talking and listening to what I said. Didn't
help. No matter what I did, I could not control them and at that point,
the only thing going through my head was "If I can't control 7, how am
I going to control 30?" And I think thats when I started doubting if
this was really what I wanted to do. For those of you who know me well,
you know that once I get a thought like that in my mind, thats what I
am set on.
So, before I was scheduled to go out to Elmwood I sat
down with two of my professors and tearfully explained to them my
situation and told them that I didn't want to do my student teaching.
At first they asked if it was just nerves, but I think that they then
began to see that it was something deeper than that. In so many ways,
this was the best decision I've ever made.
I am finishing up this
summer semester and graduating with an Education degree so I could
still end up teaching, just not at a school that requires a lisence.
But if I were to change my mind some time in the future, all I have to
do is my student teaching and maybe a refresher course or two and I
will be finished.
This past "semester" has been an interesting
one. I was able to work around 40 hours a week every week which due to
another situation was wonderful. For those of you who don't know,
Scott was kicked out of his house for having SELF CONTROL and not
punching his sister after she punched him 5 times, and moved in with me
around the time that Robby up and left the apartment with no notice or
no replacement. At the time, Scott was too distraught by the thought
of beikng kicked out of his family to get a job, so there I was trying
to somehow manage to earn more than $900 a month so that we could
survive without going broke. We're still working on that. In the mean
time, my parents are building a house and my grandma got replacement
knee surgery. I know for a fact that due to those things, I would not
have been putting everything I needed to into teaching those kids. Not
to mention that I would have been terribly broke by the end of teaching
to the point that I really would not have had any money and would have
had to move home.
Now, like I said, I am finishing up my
education degree this summer. As for the future, in June I am starting
at Owens working to get my massage therapy certificate. For a long
time now I have thought about being a massage therapist and just based
on comments from people whose backs I rub on a normal basis, I knew
that maybe that was my calling since I found that teaching just might not be anymore. So, that is what is going to be happening.
Everything has been a little crazy, a little mixed up, and a little stressful but I hope that somehow I can make it through. | | |
| Life is too short.
I guess we're just not getting the picture so God takes yet another young one away from us, maybe we all need to live for today and don't take anyone or anything for granted anymore.
I came by today to see you
Oh I had to let you know
If I knew the last time that I held you was the last time
I'd have held you and never let go
Oh it's kept me awake nights wondering
I lie in the dark asking why
I've always been told you wont be called home
Until it's your time
I guess Heaven was needing a hero
Somebody just like you
Brave enough to stand up for what you believe
And follow it through
When I try to make it make sense in my mind
The only conclusion I come to
Is Heaven was needing a hero
Just like you
I remember the last time I saw you
Oh you held your head up high
I laughed inside when I saw how you were
Standing out in the crowd
You're such a part of who I am
And now that part will just be void
No matter how much I need you now
Heaven needed you more
Cause Heaven was needing a hero
Somebody just like you
Brave enough to stand up for what you believe
And follow it through
When I try to make it make sense in my mind
The only conclusion I come to
Is Heaven was needing a hero
That's you.
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